XIV

LOSS OF PERSONAL CONTACT

FROM 1963 -

In the year 1962, probably after April, a long period of personal contact with the Mother came to an end and was resumed in 1966. For she fell seriously ill. As a result all the interviews had to be suspended. When she recovered she stopped coming down altogether. The personal contacts were re-established only with those who were in charge of the departments. Interviews were granted to people on their birthdays and they used to take place in the Music Room on the second floor.

On the first of February, 1963, the month of her birth, I had a strange experience during my morning meditation. It lasted about an hour. I saw many things apparently incoherent, having no logical connection. But I had a very strong impression that something extraordinary was going to take place. I wrote about it to the Mother in French and got her reply in French. (Her reply has been published in Talks with Sri Aurobindo, Vol. I.) It runs as follows in English:

"Last night we (you and myself and some others) were together for quite a long time in the permanent dwelling of Sri Aurobindo which exists in the subtle physical (what Sri Aurobindo used to call the true physical). All that happened there (much too long and complicated to be told) was, so to say, organised in order to express concretely the

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rapid movement with which the present transformation is going on; and Sri Aurobindo told you with a smile something like this: 'Do you believe now?' It was as if he was evoking these three lines from Savitri:

'God shall grow up while the wise men talk and sleep;

For man shall not know the coming till its hour

And belief shall be not till the work is done.'

I think this is a sufficient explanation of the meditation you are speaking of.

My blessings."

On one birthday I told her that I felt I was making no progress in sadhana; everything seemed to remain at status quo. She replied, "You know you were playing with doubt for a long time. Now you are coming out."

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